Confessional blog post about alcohol

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How easy it is to fall out of good habits and re-establish bad ones.

It has been so long since I blogged because this is a pretty hard post to write.

I managed to be teetotal for two whole years by telling myself I would never drink again, which I think is why it is so hard to reconcile with myself the fact that since I had that drink on my birthday, I have fallen straight back in to old habits.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a raging alcoholic or anything, I just probably drink a little too much again, that is more than the recommended weekly amount for women. I know that most people actually probably do in the UK, but anyone who reads my blog will know that health is important to me and alcohol has significant effect on overall health.

And so that makes me feel like I have failed. And I hate failing. In fact, it is fear of failure that drives me, rather than moving towards success. Hence avoiding blogging lately. But I have to write this – until I have this ‘confession’ out there, I just can’t seem to write anything else. So here it is, the confessional blog post – I am ordinary, I drink alcohol again, I am not free of it and I am not on the healthy smug minority who don’t anymore. I am envious of them; my lovely husband is still one of those people.

Mr L has quietly accepted that I am drinking again, those closest to me have all quietly accepted it with little comment. Probably because it is those people who love me and know me so well that they will know I am fighting the battle with myself inwardly with little need for remonstration from them. I love them for that. It also feels unlikely that I will get back to being teetotal any time soon. Maybe next year. Like I said, it is not a big problem or anything, but it does have a knock-on effect on everything else. I used to love feeling totally clear-headed all the time. Trouble is, I’ve also loved the fun I’ve had, it has to be said. Bonding with other people just hadn’t happened in the same way with the absence of alcohol, there is no getting away from the fact that it is often the social glue in a lot of situations. There is nothing quite like grinning wickedly at your friend as you decide to order some shots.

But I also like achieving goals, so I will probably do the traditional thing and rein it in for the New Year, so I can start building up my running again to train for the Adidas Thunder Run, in which Stotfold Runners have 2 teams and soloist running (namely Mr L). That will give me something to aim for and therefore a new focus and something to blog about too.

On a more positive note for this year, I am still keeping up my mileage, although a lot of it has been walking lately, is that cheating, I don’t feel like it is? I’m still covering the miles on my feet.

I’m still pretty much on track to reach my 750 miles for the year. I am about 7 miles behind, but I will soon make that up.

And I have maintained by plank-a-day streak. I am on day 302 now, so I would say to anyone, if you’re going to set yourself a goal, set yourself that one, it is the easiest thing in the world to maintain. No matter how else I’m feeling, I can manage a 30 second plank everyday.

I even did one in the pub to maintain my streak, here is the proof:

(no – I hadn’t fallen over drunk!)

I am glad I have got this blog out of the way. I can start writing again now, one thing rather follows another for me, if I’m keeping healthy, running (or walking) and living my values then largely I will be on track.

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3 Responses to Confessional blog post about alcohol

  1. Haley says:

    Hey Lisa,

    I totally know how you feel- I push myself to do these 30 day challenges (whole 30) and it includes cutting out alcohol. It is definitely tough- and I of course miss it. Sometimes I feel like I am punishing myself when everyone else is having fun- if they can do it why can’t I? I realized that I do these challenges to keep myself in check. I know I can do them if I really want to- but for me they are kind of an unrealistic type of lifestyle. I’ve learned that When I do them for 2 weeks, it keeps me “in check” and it allows me to enjoy the treats and drinks more and to have them “in moderation”. That being said, it is always fun to lose control and have a “Sunday Funday” every no and again, as long as it is not every week!

    Love your posts :)

  2. Kerensa says:

    I don’t think you have failed, I am just in awe of the fact that you saw something you wanted to change and you did that for two whole years. You will never be back to square one, you are a different person now (alcohol or no alcohol). You are a real inspiration to a lot of people, not for being perfect, but for trying to live the life you believe in and being honest about the ups and downs. I’ve missed your posts, I’m so glad you feel able to write again! xx

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